


neverland.

by catboxjellyfish



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Chinguline, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 21:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4495965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catboxjellyfish/pseuds/catboxjellyfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[ YEOLLIPOPDAY FIC EXCHANGE 2015 ] "Someone kind once told me, 'the people you love become ghosts inside of you and like this you keep them alive.'" / Neverland is a wonderful place where people are always happy and young. There is no suffering and there is no pain. It’s a place even better than heaven. It is where you are, it is where I am when I am with you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	neverland.

**Author's Note:**

> Soundtrack: neverland. - http://8tracks.com/catboxjellyfish/neverland-1

“Chanyeol, do you know where is Neverland?”

A small boy of no more than five looked up at the elderly man standing beside him. Blinking his red rimmed eyes, he shook his head. A bittersweet smile surfaces on the old man’s wrinkled face and he looked his grandson in the eyes. Softly, he placed a hand on top of the Chanyeol’s head and ruffled the boy’s messy locks.

“Neverland is a wonderful place where people are always happy and young.” The old man said quietly, “There is no suffering and there is no pain. It’s a place even better than heaven.”

Looking away from his grandson, the old man suppressed tears threatening to spill out of his tired eyes. He gazed up at the birds flying by and let out a shaky sigh. It was another grey day in the rainy season. Puffs of dark clouds rolled ominously across the sky that seemed to stretch into infinity.

“Is that where umma and appa went?”

Chanyeol asked his grandfather timidly and brought the old man’s wandering mind back to reality. The boy’s delicate face was turning red from holding back his tears and grievances shimmered in his innocent eyes. The old man felt his heart break a little from the strong front his young grandson was putting up. Bending down until they were faced to face, he enveloped Chanyeol into a gentle hug.

“Yes, that’s where your umma and appa went,” he answered, whispering into the boy’s hair. Little arms tightened around the old man’s neck and Chanyeol let out a quiet hiccup. Quietly, restrained tears rolled down the boy’s wind brushed cheeks and his muffled cries are lost in the crook of his grandfather’s neck. Holding Chanyeol even tighter, the old man continued to speak, his voice shaking from grief.

“They will be happy in Neverland, I am sure they will. Although we are deeply saddened by their passing, we should also be glad that they no longer have to suffer the trails of life.” The grandfather’s voice was heavy and distant, as if he was speaking the words to reassure himself as well. Pulling away from the hug, the old man gently wiped tears away from Chanyeol’s cheeks.

“Death is unavoidable and it’s part of life. It is unfortunate your umma and appa had to leave so soon, but at least there are good memories we can look back to, aren’t there?”

Chanyeol hiccupped and looked up. Blinking as more tears tumbled out of his eyes, he thought of the happy times he had with his parents. Those days under the sun, the trips to the amusement parks, and lazy afternoons of laughter in their small house; slowly the memories flashed by in his mind. His bottom lip still quivering, the boy nodded at his grandfather’s words and the old man caressed Chanyeol’s wet cheeks. 

“So let’s keep those memories of them in our heart forever. Let your umma and appa become ghosts inside of us and like this, let’s keep them alive in our hearts.”

Matching gaze with his grandfather, Chanyeol nodded again silently. The bitter smile on the elderly man’s face widened slightly before he shifted his gaze to the headstones. The boy followed suit and together, they looked upon their loved ones sleeping forever in the ground. That day, Chanyeol engraved his grandfather’s bittersweet smile permanently into his young consciousness. Mumbling to himself over and over again, the young boy sought for solace from his grandfather’s words.

Twenty years later, Chanyeol thinks of those words again; the memory of that particular day still fresh in his mind. Bending down and placing flowers on the three headstones aligned in a line, he smiles gently. It is still the same sky but the frail boy is of no longer. Life made him stronger and being forced to take over his family’s funeral business at a young age, Chanyeol has learned to truly accept and deal with death. At the age of twenty-five, he finally understands his grandfather’s words. Death is an unavoidable part of life but it does not define the end of one’s existence; loved ones will always live on in the living’s memories and thoughts.

Mumbling goodbye to his grandfather for another year, Chanyeol stands up and straightens his black suit. In the near distance, two young man of his similar age are waiting for him. The one with a mischievous grin waves while the one of puppy eyes hollers loudly at him. 

“I hope you’re enjoying Neverland, gramps,” Chanyeol whispers into the humid wind as he walks towards his adopted brothers, “We will be sure to take good care of the Neverland on earth.”

As the sun set as usual in the west, a golden veil is casted over the modest signage in front of an aged western house of two storeys. Looking up at the block characters that spelt out “Neverland Funeral Service”, the three brothers pat each other proudly on the back. Together, they shared memories of the old man, and laughed at the happier times and cried at the sad moments. Drinking the old man’s favourite alcohol and eating his favourite food, they honoured the dead and cheered to their grandfather’s new beginning elsewhere. As Chanyeol grins drunkenly at the blinking stars above, he pats his chest where his heart is beating loudly. The future is always terrifying but Chanyeol is assured because he knows his loved ones are always there with him, alive in his heart no matter how far they may have gone away to. At that comforting thought, Chanyeol drafts off to sleep, dreaming of the Neverland where people are always happy and young.

\---

_“Are you Mr. Doh Kyungsoo?”_

_“Yes, who am I speaking to?”_

_“This is the Seoul Police. We’re sorry for contacting you so suddenly but I am afraid I have bad news for you, Mr. Doh. Your brother Mr. Doh Kyungmin was involved in a car accident last night at 11:35P.M. and unfortunately, he did not survive.”_

_“… Excuse me?”_

_“I am really sorry for your loss. We understand that you are currently studying abroad but as his only direct blood relative, we must ask you to return to Korea and tend to the legal and other aspects of his passing.”_

_“…”_

_“Hello, Mr. Doh, are you there? Mr. Doh Kyungsoo?”_

“…Kyungsoo-shi… Kyungsoo-shi!”

The young man in question snaps out of his hazy reminisces and stares blankly at the sighing lawyer sitting across from him. Rubbing his temples with one hand while flipping through the folder full of legal documents with his other, the middle aged man spares Kyungsoo a worried glance. The young man ducks his head and avoids the lawyer’s concerned gaze. Instead, he focuses his attention on the large yellow envelope labelled ‘Will’.

“What does it say?” Kyungsoo asks quietly and the lawyer also shifts his attention to the yellow envelope.

“He left everything to you, since you’re his only direct family left,” the lawyer answers dully, “He also prearranged his funeral, it seems. It’s rare but…” The lawyer flips through more of the documents and finally nods to himself, “I see. Well, I guess this makes sense.”

Kyungsoo frowns at the information: “Excuse me, Mr. Kim, I don’t understand. What do you mean my brother prearranged his funeral?”

The lawyer sighs again and looks up to meet Kyungsoo’s questioning eyes. Somewhat awkwardly, he coughs and explains. “I guess he didn’t tell you this…” Kyungsoo stares intensely at the lawyer and his hands curl slowly into fists. The lawyer looks down at the document again, avoiding the young man’s burning gaze.

“It seems like your brother was diagnosed with lung cancer prior to the accident…” the lawyer pauses and peeks at Kyungsoo. The young man’s facial expression remains emotionless but there is a storm brewing in his eyes. “It was terminal, and that is why he has written a will and prearranged his funeral. There is no detail written about the funeral arrangement in the will for privacy reasons but your name is listed as the arranger. So you need to go to the funeral parlour and speak to them. Here, this is the address. I can help you settle the rest.”

The yellow envelope slides from one side of the table to the other and Kyungsoo takes a shaky inhale. His body heaves to the beat of his heart and his mind is blank from the lawyer’s words. It is embarrassing really, to find out about your only brother’s terminal disease after he is dead and from a stranger at that too. Kyungsoo chuckles bitterly and bows his head. He wishes he could cry, but there is not even a drop of tear. The lawyer watches the dejected young man with sympathetic eyes. Silence settles in the room and the atmosphere is heavy. Finally, Kyungsoo raises his head and takes the envelope. Looking at the logo “Neverland Funeral Service” printed at the top right corner, Kyungsoo absentmindedly thanks the lawyer.

\---

Standing in the middle of a residential neighbourhood, Kyungsoo studies the aged western building with whitewashed walls. The block characters of the signage are fading in colour a little and the word “funeral” stabs at the young man’s heart. Now that he is standing in front of the funeral parlour, the reality of his brother’s death becomes clearer. Like soft waves lapping sand away at the beach, sadness is gradually eating away at him, leaving Kyungsoo feeling increasingly numb and empty. At the back of his mind, he could still hear the shouts and the slap, and the monotonous beeping of the answering machine. Suddenly he is curious about the content of those voicemails his brother left for him and his stomach wrenches in regret; if only he had listened to them, would his brother still be alive? He might have found out about the sickness and came home. They could have made up and faced the worst together. The possibilities of a future no longer possible overwhelmed his mind and Kyungsoo sinks deeper into sorrow. If only, he regrets deeply as he stares unmoved at the large signage, if only.   

Suddenly, a loud crash sounds from within the building and Kyungsoo jumps a little, startled. All of his previous thoughts vanished as he stares in alert at the large set of oak doors. Kyungsoo won’t admit it out loud but he is scared of spirits. Unresolved grudges and lingering resentments, he has always feared the invisible evils lurking in the shadows that torment the human consciousness. Especially now that the mysterious noises are coming from inside a funeral parlour, where dead bodies are housed, Kyungsoo shudders and becomes more scared than usual.

The muffled noises continue, sounding vaguely like footsteps running. Then it stops abruptly. Surveying around him at the empty streets, Kyungsoo suddenly feels uneasy. The sun is setting behind him and although the neighbourhood is serene, the stillness appears more ominous than peaceful in the young man’s mind. ‘Why is a funeral parlour located in a residential neighbourhood anyway?’ he thinks to himself as fear dominates his thought process. Kyungsoo gulps and tries to remember if there is a horror movie with a similar setting. When his mind comes up with nothing but baseless paranoia, he gulps nervously again.

Despite fear stirring in his mind, Kyungsoo’s curiosity is also growing stronger and stronger. Moving forward hesitantly, he leans against the set of oak doors and listens carefully. If anyone passes by at that moment, they’d probably mistaken the fidgeting young man for an amateur robber; however there is nobody on the street. His large eyes squinting into thin lines, Kyungsoo clenches the envelope closer to his chest as he leans even closer on the door. While the noise earlier startled him, the quietness now deeply disturbed him. Part of his mind screams for him to run from this place but another part also urges him to investigate. Finally after some frantic deliberation, curiosity trumped over his fear and he places a shaky hand on the door handle. ‘What’s the worst that could happen,’ he thought in false comfort, ‘honestly, what is the worst that could happen, hm?’

Kyungsoo seems to have forgotten the phrase ‘curiosity killed the cat’.

With a decisive pull, one of the heavy oak doors swings open slowly with a dull creak. A spacious, empty hallway greets Kyungsoo. There is an aura of solemnity inside, possibly because of the dark décor or the absolute silence in the air. Observing the parlour foyer meekly, Kyungsoo takes in the structure of the old building. At the end of the entrance hallway is a set of wooden stairs leading to the second floor. In front of the stairs, a welcome sign stands alone in the middle of the foyer. On either side of the foyer, two more hallways stretch into the darkness and two large Chinese vases are standing by the connecting corridor. Holding his breath, Kyungoso peeks around like a thief in the night. He clutches desperately to the envelope like a protection charm and moving as quietly as he can, he shuts the door behind him. Standing in the middle of the empty foyer, he cautiously peers down the left then right hallways. The sound of a large clock ticking echoes sharply throughout the house. When he senses nothing out of the ordinary, Kyungsoo lets out a sigh of relief.

“What the hell are you doing, Doh Kyungsoo?” he mumbles to himself, relaxing a bit. Looking up at the beautiful but unusual ceiling mural of people smiling happily and flying in the sky, the pain of loss creeps back to haunt him. ‘Is that a portrayal of heaven?’ he wonders with a slight frown. Looking down at the envelope in his hands, he thinks of his brother again. His frown deepens when nothing but his brother’s disappointed eyes and frowning face comes to mind.

However before he could wallow in grief any longer, the door at the end of the left hallway busts open. Squinting at the bright light coming from behind the opened door, Kyungsoo’s entire body tenses and paralyzed to the spot, he watches as a tall figure charges aggressively at him. An obnoxiously loud baritone voice echoes down the hallway and it sends shiver crawling down Kyungsoo spine.

 “I’ve got you now, Baekhyun!”

Bewildered, Kyungsoo stumbles backward a couple of steps and almost trips over his feet. The figure is still running towards him at an alarming speed and lanky limbs are flailing wildly about. Panicked eyes lock gaze for the first time with bright orbs shimmering in excitement. As Kyungsoo gawks astonishingly at the head of grey hair and set of white teeth glowing in the dark, the running person begins to slow down having realizing that Kyungsoo is a stranger he has never met before. However before either of the two men has a chance to say anything, another obnoxiously loud voice erupts from upstairs, this time in a much higher tone. 

“What the hell are you talking about, Chanyeol! I’m here, you dumbass, haha!”

Kyungsoo snaps his head around and watches in even more shock as another stranger lands right in front of him, descending from above. His eyes widen in fear when he sees the new guy’s face, eerily pale like a sheet of white paper and his lips are bloody red for reasons the scared young man dares not to speculate. ‘It’s a ghost, run for your life!’ Kyungsoo’s already panicked inner voice screams hysterically and he squeaks out a choking whimper. Turning on his heels as fast as he can, Kyungsoo scrambles towards the entrance and completely ignores the voices calling from behind. In a rush, he tugs on the door handle but his body propels forwards a split second too soon than his arm pulling on the handle and with a loud bang, his head smashes hard on the heavy oak door. The terrified young man is immediately blinded by a white flash as blood rushed to his forehead. Unable to adjust to the onset of an intense dizzy spell, his legs give out and cursing silently, Kyungsoo crumbles to the ground. As his consciousness begins to fade, he hears the sound of footsteps running towards him, as well as surprised gasps and shouts encircling him. In particular, the deep baritone voice leaves a deep impression on him. It sounds very similar to his brother’s voice.

\---

“It’s okay Kyungsoo, hyung will be here for you no matter what.”

A small boy glanced up at his older brother with innocent but lost eyes. Tear streaks still fresh on his cheeks, the teenager flashed an ugly smile at his younger brother. In the scattering snow, the brothers stood in front of their parents’ graves. Their grieving cries and helpless sighs were feeble and endless. Hand in hand, Kyungmin and Kyungsoo held tightly on to each other, as if the bitter winter wind would sweep one of them away as well.

“Kyungsoo, explain yourself!” A man in his late twenties shouted in anguish. Slumping into the nearby couch, Kyungmin cradled his head in his hands and let out a shaky sigh. In front of him, the youth being addressed kneeled silently on the floor with his head bowing low.

“He forced you, didn’t he? He forced you to do those things with him.” The older man said quietly, his voice shaking as if he was afraid of the otherwise, “It’s okay if you were being forced by him to do those things, Kyungsoo. Hyung won’t judge you for being a victim of bullying.”

The teenager remained silent and refused to face his older brother. He bit deeply into his bottom lip as tear burned around the rim of his eyes. Indeed, he was a victim but a willing one; he was a victim to unconventional love that society looked unfavourably upon. He had fallen in love with Kris Wu and the other boy loved him too. They may only be fifteen and sixteen, but Kyungsoo believed their love was true. After a moment of silence, the teenager spoke through gritted teeth, his tone firm and rebellious.

“No, I wanted him to kiss me and I wanted to kiss him back. I love him.”

A hand flew at his face and Kyungsoo gasped in shock at the stinging pain left on his cheek. The older man stood seething in anger in front of his younger brother and Kyungmin stared with teary eyes. He had never thought there would be a day when he’d strike the brother he had always tried to protect by putting his life and happiness on the line. Yet hearing those words from Kyungsoo’s mouth made his hand acted on its own. How, the older man thought in agony as he shut his eyes, how could his brother be gay?

Snapping back to his senses, Kyungsoo glared up with fire burning in his eyes and at the top of his lung, he shouted defiantly.

“I love him! He loves me! We’ve done nothing wrong! What’s wrong with being in love with each other! What’s so wrong about our love?”

“It’s wrong because you are both men!” Kyungmin screamed in return and his whole body shook uncontrollably. Digging his fingers into Kyungsoo’s shoulders, the older man commanded fiercely, despite the shouts of objection from his younger brother.

“You will never contact that Kris boy ever again! We are moving away and I am going to change your school! This is a mistake, Kyungsoo. You’re too young to know love! Forget about it all, please I beg you. Please, don’t make life hard for yourself, please…!”

Days later Kyungsoo stared at the crystal snowflake Kris had gifted him and cried silently. Tightly, he held it close to his fragile, shattered heart.

Three years later, the same boy that once cried for love was of no longer. Standing by the airport security gate, the brothers faced each other in silence. Kyungmin sighed sadly and tried to reach for his brother’s hand, only to have the latter avoid it. Kyungsoo awkwardly licked his chapped lips and looked down at the boarding pass in hand. The female voice announced the boarding call to Toronto, Canada, and Kyungsoo fidgeted with his luggage. Outside, snowflakes were dancing like that day many years ago but the brothers were no longer hand in hand. Flashing a forced happy smile at Kyungsoo, Kyungmin bid his brother goodbye and wished him good luck for his studies in university. The eighteen year old nodded wordlessly and without another glance, he took off. No hug, no goodbye; Kyungsoo walked away without regret. Tears slid down Kyungmin’s cheek as his brother’s lonesome back view disappeared behind tinted glass. Along with the fluttering snow, the bitter wind swept Kyungsoo away and his brother was left to sigh at the grey winter sky alone.

\---

Kyungsoo awakens and a single tear glides from the corner of his eyes onto the pillow. When was the last time he dreamt of his brother? He cannot even recall. In his dream, his brother was still smiling, but it has been many years since Kyungsoo saw his brother’s smile.

There is only the sound of a clock ticking inside the dark room and Kyungsoo dazes out at the bare ceiling. His forehead is throbbing faintly in pain and he is thankful for the darkness. Shifting his head a little, he winces and stays still again. Staring into nothingness, his mind wanders and unwinds for the first time in days. Ever since he returned to Korea, everything seemed so surreal it felt as if he was watching himself in a movie. Every day, strangers’ faces whizzed by and he moved from place to place like an empty shell. The pain and shock of it all, to lose his only remaining family and to realize he is now truly alone in this world, all of it makes Kyungsoo numb. The fear of loneliness has begun to eat slowly away at his sanity and locking away his emotions seems to help him cope. Even though Kyungsoo knows this will only hurt him more in the long run. However, he is only human and he succumbs to avoiding pain at all cost.

Just then, the door cracks open and a slither of light pours in. Kyungsoo carefully turns towards the entrance and squints. A man with mischievous grin peeks in and upon seeing that his guest has awakened, his smile stretches wider and he quietly walks in. Placing a glass of water on the small bed table, Jongdae sits in the chair placed by the bed. Kyungsoo tries to get up but the smiling man pushes him gently back into bed.

“Don’t worry about getting up right now,” Jongdae says softly, his tone warm and friendly, “You banged your head pretty hard.”

Nodding thankfully and regretting his action right away, Kyungsoo sinks into his pillow with a frown. Being polite, he twists his body and faces the man who is trying not to chuckle.

“Thank you. This is… the Neverland Funeral Parlour right?” Kyungsoo questions warily. The smiling man nods.

“Yes, you are Kyungsoo-shi, Doh Kyungmin-shi’s brother right?” Jongdae answers. He smiles apologetically upon seeing the surprise and wariness in the other’s eyes, and he gestures at the yellow envelope on the bedside table. “Sorry, you were out cold and we didn’t know if we should call the ambulance. To be safe, we searched for your ID and looked inside the envelope. When I saw your face and your name, I realized you were probably Kyungmin-shi’s younger brother.”

Kyungsoo nods wordlessly at Jongdae’s explanation. 

“You guys look alike, that’s why I could tell,” Jongdae says and observers the quiet young man’s expression. He knows well why Kyungsoo is here; it means Kyungmin has already passed on. However, everyone from the parlour is surprised at how soon the younger brother showed up.

“It’s hard to forget someone such as Kyungmin-shi,” the smiling man adds after a moment of silence when Kyungsoo made no effort to carry on the conversation but still looked expectantly at Jongdae. “It is not every day you have someone walk into our funeral parlour and prearrange their own funeral. We all thought he was joking at first, but he was serious. He told us he has a terminal disease and he will die soon. He said because his younger brother is studying abroad, he wants to sort everything out before he goes so it’d be easier on his brother. So he prearranged his funeral for your sake, Kyungsoo.”

Jongdae’s smile widens warmly and he looks straight into the young man’s eyes.

“Your brother really loved you, didn’t he?”

There is almost a tone of envy in Jongdae’s voice but it goes by unnoticed by the quiet man on the bed. Kyungsoo frowns deeper and he lowers his eyes. A mixture of confusion, anger and guilt swirls around in his heart. His brother was just as he remembered: self-presumptuous and overly assertive; yet at the same time Kyungsoo cannot bring himself to overlook the good intentions behind Kyungmin’s decisions. He takes a deep breath in and gulps down his jumbled emotions. Taking a brief moment, Kyungsoo answers in a husky whisper.

“Maybe so…” he mumbles then looks up at Jongdae, the frown still etched in between his brows. Before the other could carry on the talks about his brother, Kyungsoo quickly changes the topic.

“You kept saying we and us, who is ‘we’?”

“Oh I am so sorry! Where are my manners!” Jongdae slaps down on his thigh and lets out a light apologetic chuckle, “I didn’t even introduce myself. My name is Kim Jongdae and I am the general manager of this funeral parlour. The ‘we’ I spoke of are my brothers and I. Chanyeol is the owner of his joint and Baekhyun is the other manager. The three of us run the family business together.”

Kyungsoo nods silently. He wants to ask more questions, but the dizziness returns and he cringes in pain. Seeing the uncomfortable expression on the injured man’s face, Jongdae leans over and tucks Kyungsoo in, making the latter even more uncomfortable.

“Looks like you’ll need more time to rest up or else you might end up with a concussion later.” Jongdae says gently and fixes the blanket. Matching gaze with Kyungsoo, he smiles warmly again and tries to reassure the younger man. “This is a guest room so take it easy tonight and rest. It’s already pretty late and I don’t feel comfortable letting you leave like this. I’m sure Kyungmin-shi would want you to stay as well.”

At the mention of his brother’s name, Kyungsoo’s jaw tightens. Mistaking it as a sign of physical pain, Jongdae quickly bids his good night and leaves the room. Left alone in the darkness again, Kyungsoo blanks out until his lids drop shut from fatigue. Soon he drifts into a turbulent slumber, where childhood memories of the time he spent with his brother surface and pop in his dreams like soap bubbles. Slipping in and out of sleep as a dull pain buzzed in his head, Kyungsoo vaguely hears the door open again. A shadow slips in and sits in the chair. In a haze, he hears the familiar baritone voice whisper in the night.

“I’m sorry…” the stranger says but Kyungsoo could not catch all of his words, “… hurting you… I’m sorry…”

Silence fills the room again. But as the stranger stands to leave, Kyungsoo reaches out a hand and grabs onto the corner the other’s shirt. Eyes half open, he gazes upon the shadowy figure through misty eyes. The voice calms and comforts Kyungsoo, reminding him of the stormy nights when his brother used to whisper songs to sooth him. He barely has memories of his mother anymore and to Kyungsoo, his older brother was all of his family. ‘But he too had left me,’ the young man thinks bitterly and closes his eyes again. Sensing no more intention to leave from the stranger, Kyungsoo’s heart settles and he falls back to sleep.

Chanyeol blinks at the stray tears clinging onto Kyungsoo’s thick lashes, quivering like drops of spring dew in the early mornings. A strange feeling settles in the pit of his stomach, something more than just pity and sympathy. There is so much sadness in the young man’s eyes and so much desperation in his action, they make Chanyeol’s heart wrench in pain. He has only come in to apologize for scaring the bejesus out of the poor guy earlier, but now he wants to do more for the young man.

Carefully taking a seat in the chair again, Chanyeol places his warm hand over the Kyungsoo’s cold one still clutching tightly to the corner of his shirt. Under the dim moonlight, the tall man curiously looks over the man lying in bed. Midnight black tresses is scattered carelessly across the young man’s smooth forehead, partially cover the pair of dark brows knitted tightly in a knot. Thick and long lashes flutter as the pair of hidden onyx orbs shift back and forth behind veined lids. Black circles are visible underneath Kyungsoo’s eyes and his plump lips twitch as he mumbles restlessly in his dreams. As if comforting a child, Chanyeol subconsciously pats the freezing hand twitching slightly in his laps. His other hand reaches over and slowly irons out the frown on Kyungsoo’s pale face. Warm fingers then traces down the side of the young man’s face and Chanyeol loses himself for a second in the sensation of silky skin beneath his calloused pad. Kyungsoo shifts in his sleep suddenly and the tall man snaps back to his senses, his face blushing brightly in the dark.

He has no idea why he just did that, but he could not deny enjoying every second of it. There is something captivating about the stranger that has barged into his life.

Still flustered, Chanyeol blinks thoughtfully at Kyungsoo’s melancholy face. Working at the funeral parlour, he has seen many broken spirits come and go, but never has he felt a stronger urge to help someone through their grieving. His gut feeling tells him that this young man needs him and sincerely, Chanyeol wants to help Kyungsoo too. He wants to see the young man smile again; he is certain the young man would have a beautiful smile, like the first bloom of the cherry blossoms in the spring. Giving Kyungsoo’s hand a tight squeeze, Chanyeol makes a promise to himself and the stranger that has mysteriously captivated him. He promised to become the cave of refugee for the ship sailing in the storm, the warm fire burning bright in the devastating winter; he will be the lantern lighting Kyungsoo’s way through the dark.

“I’m here,” Chanyeol whispers earnestly as the fidgeting young man whimpers pitifully in his sleep, “I’m here.”

Gradually, Kyungsoo relaxes and his grip loosens around tall man’s shirt. His breathing slowly evens out and after some struggles, he falls into a deep slumber.

Chanyeol smiles a little and tucks the other’s hand beneath the blanket. Before exiting the room, he catches a last look at the skinny form curled up in bed, like an injured cat hiding its wound. With a soft sigh, the gentle giant disappears through the door. 

\---

“More tea?”

Kyungsoo looks up and finds Jongdae smiling at him with a round teapot in hand. Awkwardly, he nods and extends his mug with both arms to show respect, making the smiling man chuckle soundlessly. Shrinking back into his seat, Kyungsoo timidly sips on the warm beverage and watches as Chanyeol and Baekhyun squabble over something trivia. The two have introduced themselves at the beginning of breakfast, and they also apologized for causing Kyungsoo so much fright yesterday. Overwhelmed by the speed and volume of Baekhyun’s speech, the timid young man only managed to catch something about “we were practicing putting make up on dead people” as an explanation of the other’s previous appearance. Kyungsoo lets out a small sigh when Baekhyun’s high pitch shouting drills into his ears again. 

Chanyeol turns to look at the troubled young man and flashes him a toothy grin. He is happy to see that the black circles below Kyungsoo’s eyes have lightened a bit. Noticing Chanyeol’s caring glances, Kyungsoo gulps and goes back to sipping on his tea, trying to avoid eye contact with the smiling giant. He had a weird dream last night. He was lying in a patch of forest and above him, a soothing voice very similar to Chanyeol’s comforted him. The voice made him feel safe and loved, and it chased away the loneliness that has been creeping on him like a haunting spirit. Peeking from above the rim of his mug, Kyungsoo bites the inside of his lip when he sees that the smiling giant went back to arguing with Baekhyun. Unknowing to Kyungsoo, a faint blush is glowing faintly on his pale cheeks.

Jongdae takes everything in but pretends as if he has seen nothing at all. Hiding a smirk, he munches through his plate of toast and starts to chit chat with Kyungsoo. He is going to enjoy the upcoming week.

 

After breakfast, the four men gather inside the small meeting room, all of their faces serious. Looking down at the yellow envelope on the table, Kyungsoo contemplates what he should say; he is at a loss for words. Across from him, Chanyeol also stares at the envelope and remembers the man that came in a few months ago to prearrange his own funeral. Baekhyun glances from Kyungsoo to Chanyeol and he fidgets uncomfortably in his chair; the suffocating atmosphere in the room is killing him.

Jongdae breaks the tense silence in the room first and places another envelope on the table.

“This is the funeral plan Kyungmin-shi had signed up for,” he pushes the envelope towards the young man sitting across but the latter shows no intention of opening it. Kyungsoo chews on his bottom lip and just looks numbly at the name ‘Doh Kyungmin’ printed neatly at the centre of the brown envelope. Seeing the other’s inaction, Chanyeol offers to open the envelope and he lays out the contract and plans in front of the quiet young man.

“He signed up for the basic package, so once we receive his remains from the police, we will proceed with the procedure,” the tall man explains slowly, “I called the police this morning and it seems like Kyungmin-shi will arrive tomorrow afternoon. We will take care of everything after that and if you’d like, we can hold the funeral either three days from today or four days from today. That’s the soonest we can accommodate you based on our availability.”

At Chanyeol’s words, a small bitter smile surfaces on Kyungsoo’s blank face. ‘Arrive’, he amuses; the taller man is speaking as if his brother is still alive. Feeling concerning gaze on him again, the young man nods and replies, but he refuses to meet any of the other threes’ worried eyes.

“Let’s plan for three days from today then,” Kyungsoo says calmly. He wants to get this over with as soon as possible. “I will be responsible for contacting the people that will attend the funeral?”

“Yes,” Jongdae answers, “Usually, families invite the friends and people that used to be around the deceased to the funeral.” The smiling man explains.

“I know, I’ve been to a funeral before,” Kyungsoo says, still staring at the documents in front of him.

“Whose?” Baekhyun questions out of curiosity, causing Jongdae to send him a pointed look. Chanyeol kicks his prodding brother underneath the table and Baekhyun yelps quietly in pain. Kyungsoo on the other hand did not seem to mind the question much and he answers in nonchalant.

“My parent’s, but it was a long time ago.”

Baekhyun nods and hums in acknowledgement while he rubs tenderly at the spot Chanyeol had kicked him. Unexpectedly, he reaches over with his other hand and gives Kyungsoo’s arm a friendly pat.

“It’s okay. You can join our little orphan family here if you ever feel too lonely. We have more fun than other orphan filled families.” Baekhyun jokes and winks at Kyungsoo, who blinks in confusion. Jongdae snorts at the other’s bluntness and Chanyeol groans quietly, feeling embarrassed for his adopted brother’s inappropriate sense of humour. Noting the confused look on Kyungsoo’s face, Baekhyun explains.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that Chanyeol, Jongdae and I all have different last names? That’s because Jongdae and I were orphans and Chanyeol’s grandfather adopted us when we were twelve. Now that gramps has passed on too, we are truly a family of orphans. You’re welcome to join too.”

Kyungsoo stares hesitantly at Baekhyun’s bright face, his lips stretched into a thin line; he is not sure exactly how he should react. Stuttering on his words, he politely declines. Baekhyun shrugs and leans back into his seat. Jongdae scratches his head shyly while sending a Kyungsoo an apologetically look before steering their conversation back on track.

“Oh, there is something else you should know, Kyungsoo.” Jongdae says and pushes the stack of paper on the left closer towards the young man. Picking up the stapled documents, Kyungsoo reads over the content while the other delves into more explanation.

“Aside from the standard funeral service, Kyungmin-shi also signed up for a special service only our funeral parlour offers. As you know funerals are usually too formal and restrictive, but we think it shouldn’t just be like that. Death is the end to one’s life on earth, but it could also be seen as a beginning for the deceased. Therefore in light of the deceased’s new journey to somewhere new and in remembrance of all the times we the alive have shared with them, our parlour helps families organize a personal farewell party. Like a birthday party, the family can decide who they’d like to invite and what theme the party will be in.”

Looking up from the papers, Kyungsoo regards the three older men sitting across from him blankly. There’s anticipation but also nervousness in their eyes. Chanyeol gulps; this special service is his idea and he has implemented it since he took over the funeral parlour. It is definitely unconventional and also controversial; several families he had suggested to previously criticized him for taking lightly of the solemnity of human death. Chanyeol argues that he does understand the pain of losing close loved ones, after all he has lost all of his immediate family, but he believes that there is more to death than mourning in sorrow. He thinks the alive should celebrate the life that once was by doing things the deceased enjoyed, and take this chance to reminisce and truly appreciate their good, their bad, their accomplishments and imperfections as a human being. That is Chanyeol’s the genuine intention behind his party proposal: to honour the dead in a more personal and memorable way.

Blinking nervously, Chanyeol awaits Kyungsoo’s answer. The latter looks over the documents again and his breathing wavers. He doesn’t understand why his brother would sign up for something like this. The whole concept frightens Kyungsoo because it will require him to face the sentiments he has been running away from. He is not sure if he is ready to fully relive the memories of his brother. All he wants to do right now is to forget and let go, to run as far away as possible and hope that one day the nightmares will leave him alone. He is not strong enough right now, to face death or the past, and he is not ready to accept his own weakness.

There are simply too much regret, too many unhealed wounds and unsaid words he do not want to and is not ready to face.

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol calls out carefully and the said person snaps out of his thoughts. Picking up on the pain in Kyungsoo’s eyes, the tall man speaks gently.

“You don’t have to do the farewell party if you don’t feel comfortable with it.”

“But he’s already paid for it, didn’t he?” Kyungsoo asks, his tone cool and flat. Hesitantly, Chanyeol nods. However before he could speak again, Kyungsoo makes up his mind.

“Then, go ahead with it. I don’t know what it will be yet but since he’s already paid for it, we will go through with it.” The young man answers pragmatically and decides hastily, “He likes… plants. So if you have a garden here, then maybe we will just do a small after party there for whoever wants to stay and talk more about him. I guess just do that and I think it’ll be fine.”

A surge of anxiety hits Kyungsoo as he speaks more about his brother. The urge to run away becomes fiercer and more urgent in his head. Scratching at his forearms impatiently, the young man chews on the inside of his bottom lip. Across the table, Baekhyun frowns in sympathy but knows this is not his place to speak at the moment. Chanyeol too, frowns and purses his lips into a thin line. An uncomfortable air settles in the room and only the sound of Kyungsoo shuffling documents together echoes in the room. Once all the papers are gathered inside the envelopes, Kyungsoo gets up from his seat in a brisk.

“Is there anything else I need to know?” He asks curtly, “If not then I think I should leave. I’ve already intruded too much.”

“No that is all. We will contact you again when we start the funeral preparation.” Jongdae says and stands up also, carefully observing Kyungsoo’s rigid, emotionless face. He extends his arm for a handshake, but Kyungsoo bows politely to him instead. He quickly turns to bow at Chanyeol and Baekhyun as well and muttering his gratitude again, he leaves the parlour as fast as he can. Baekhyun’s eyes follow the young man’s uneasy back view rushing towards the door and walking around around the table, he lowers Jongdae’s arm that is still extended from the rejected handshake.

“He’s a mess.” Baekhyun whispers and shift his gaze to Chanyeol. The smiling giant looks visibly worried as he stares unblinkingly at Kyungsoo’s retreating form. Smiling to himself, the man with puppy eyes nudges his usual partner in crime. “You said he was studying abroad the whole time, Jongdae? Where was it, Toronto? I wonder if he has anyone to talk to here in Seoul anymore.”

Catching the other’s drift, Jongdae ducks his head and hides a smile before answering Baekhyun seriously.

“No, I think he is all alone now. His said his parents are dead too, didn’t he? He also doesn’t seem the type to have that many friends and who knows if he kept in contact with old classmates. Even so, he probably is just internalizing it all.”

“Yah, you’re right,” Baekhyun replies and tilts his head, taking pity of Kyungsoo. He tries not to smile wider when he sees Chanyeol’s face darken, “He’s definitely the type to suffer alone. He seems like it. You know, crying alone in the middle of the night until he falls asleep. That type.”

“Oh, definitely!” Jongdae joins in the teasing and exaggerates his words, “He looked like he will never be happy again. He looked so sad; I really hope he will be okay. If only someone could help him out. If only he has someone to lean on and talk to…”

Before Jongdae could finish his sentence, Chanyeol dashes out of the meeting room to chase after Kyungsoo. The two trouble makers bite back their laughs when the giant almost trips over his own lanky legs. When the door shuts with a slam, they burst into rowdy chortles. 

Outside, Chanyeol glances around frantically before spotting Kyungsoo speed walking down the street. Jogging to catch up, the tall man grabs hold of the other’s shoulder. But before he could utter Kyungsoo’s name, the young man is startled by the hand on his shoulder and out of self defense, he grabs Chanyeol by the arm and twists it behind the latter’s back. The envelopes drop to the ground with a dull thump and a series of screeching pain disrupts the peace in the neighbourhood. 

“Kyungsoo, ow, it’s me, ow, ow, ow! It’s me, Chanyeol!” The tall man shouts in pain as he struggles against the shorter man’s iron hold. Recognizing the other’s voice, Kyungsoo releases Chanyeol immediately and he gapes at the taller man with wide eyes.

“Chanyeol-shi, what are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks, bewildered. Chanyeol winces as he rubs his arm and flashes the young man a painful smile.

“Well, I uh, I wanted to tell you something.” The tall man answers awkwardly. Kyungsoo regards him apologetically but says nothing. Licking his lips that are drying up all of a sudden, Chanyeol clears his throat.

“Ah, well I just wanted to say that, you know if you ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me.”

Kyungsoo raises a quizzical brow at the offer and Chanyeol waves his arm wildly to explain; he winces from pain again due to the sudden movement.

“I mean, I understand the pain of being alone and I heard from Jongdae that you are by yourself in Korea right now, aren’t you? …It’s hard dealing with the death of a family member when you’re alone so, if you ever need a shoulder to lean on or just an ear to listen, I can be of help to you.” Chanyeol says quickly then lick his drying lips again. His deep voice and kind words seep into Kyungsoo’s heart and the short man lowers his gaze. Staring at the tip of their shoes, Kyungsoo replies quietly.

“Thanks.”

It is just one word, but it is enough to make Chanyeol grin like he has just won the lottery. Pulling a pen out of his pocket, he picks up the envelopes on the ground and scribbles a string of numbers on the brown one. Placing the envelopes in Kyungsoo’s hands, Chanyeol beams happily.

“No problem! If you need me just call me okay?” The tall man says eagerly and his cheeks are almost glowing. Shyly, Kyungsoo nods and holds onto the envelope tighter. The neighbourhood returns to its quint quietness and an ambiguous atmosphere start to form around the two men. Fidgeting with his fingers, Chanyeol looks up at the clear sky while Kyungsoo continues to stare at the tip of their shoes. Abruptly, the shorter man bows deeply and the already flustered Chanyeol starts to bow too. After a few rounds of embarrassed bowing back and forth, the two finally wave goodbye and Kyungsoo rushes off again. Until the shorter man becomes a spec in the distance, Chanyeol stands in the same spot, using the back of his hands to cool his flushing cheeks. Mumbling to himself, he blames his warm cheeks on the summer heat. All round, the cicadas are singing and stepping to the beat of the buzzing, Chanyeol returns to the parlour with a blinding smile on his face. He ignores the mischievous smirks directed at him from his adopted brothers and their teasing looks. Nothing is going to ruin his day.

\---

_‘Summer breeze, makes me feel fine.’_

The iconic summer song echoes in Chanyeol’s head as summer breeze brushes through his hair. Peddling faster, he whizzes down the bike path by the Han River and enjoys the scattered sunshine shining down on him through the leafy canopy. It has been two days since he last saw Kyungsoo and the younger man has yet to call him. He understands that Kyungsoo probably needs alone time right now to grieve and sort through his thoughts, but he could not help but feel disappointed. Whenever he has a moment, he finds himself thinking about the young man with wide eyes. Is Kyungsoo crying by himself? Is he eating? Is he doing alright? Chanyeol’s mind is so occupied by the thought of the stranger he has just met two days ago, he even wonders if he is going crazy.

On the other hand, Baekhyun and Jongdae really are about to go crazy.

Having had enough of Chanyeol’s mumbles and grumbles about ‘I hope Kyungsoo is okay,’ and ‘I should have asked for his number’, the two adopted brothers kicked the giant out of the parlour heartlessly. Both men let out a sigh of relief when their ears were no longer plagued by the giant’s whispers and grumbles. Exhausted, they give each other a weak high five when there is silence in the parlour again. Chanyeol pouted at the closed oak door and upon realizing he won’t be let in for a while, he grabbed his bike and decided to go for a ride. He doesn’t remember how long he has been riding, but he supposes it does not matter. It is rare for him to have a42 day off, so he will enjoy it to the fullest.

Surveying the beautiful surrounding, Chanyeol looks around absentmindedly and spots a familiar figure in the distance. As his bike slows down, his heart beats faster when he realizes his eyes are not playing a trick on him. Sprawled out on the small patch of grass beneath the pocket of trees by the river, Kyungsoo is lying on his back with one arm shielding his eyes from the glaring sun. His other hand is loosely holding onto a phone and documents filed away in different colours of folders and envelopes are scattered all round him. Stopping steps away from the young man napping on the grass, Chanyeol parks his bike.

Holding his breath, he tiptoes towards Kyungsoo and stands above the sleeping boy. A small smile surfaces on his handsome face as passing breeze tussles his grey hair. Slowly, he lies flat on his back as well beside Kyungsoo with a couple of the colourful files separating their bodies. Cranking his neck sideways, Chanyeol quietly takes in Kyungsoo’s slender neck and he stares at the tiny moles popping out against pale skin. As if thousands of butterflies are about to takes flight towards the sky, he feels a flurry of excitement rouse in his body as the temperature of his body alsorises. Cheeks warm and throat dry, Chanyeol snaps his eyes away from Kyungsoo and stares nervously at the blue sky peeking through the canopy instead. Leafy branches swing slowly and carry the scent of summer into Chanyeol’s nose. Breathing in the earthy smell of plants as well as the faint aroma of lemon from the young man next to him, Chanyeol tries to calm his pounding heart. Smiling like an idiot, the giant squeezes his eyes shut as his lips stretch uncontrollably from ear to ear.

He has never felt like this before, wanting to be near someone but also hide from them at the same time. He wants to wiggle around and scream, and to pull Kyungsoo into a tight hug never letting go. ‘Is this what it feels to like someone again?’ Chanyeol wonders and thinks back to the last time he has liked someone. All he can recall now is the acoustic songs he used to play on the guitar, the blurry smile of that boy with tanned skin, and the dancing silhouette that once touched his heart. It has been too long ago.

Taking a deep breath, Chanyeol’s chest rises up and down and slowly, it falls into sync with Kyungsoo’s. The excitement surging through his body mellows out and his eyes soften at the peacefulness emitting from the sleeping young man. Coyly, Chanyeol slides his hand over and he curls their index fingers together. Kyungsoo hums at the touch but did not pull away. Chanyeol smiles like a child on Christmas morning. 

When Kyungsoo opens his eyes, he blinks lazily at the glitters of gold peeking through the waving leaves. He listens blankly to the even breathing beside him for a brief moment before shock chases any sleepiness away. Sitting up abruptly and almost pulling a neck muscle, Kyungsoo notices the long fingers tugging loosely around his own. Eyes wide and teeth clenched nervously, his gaze traces up the plaid clad arm and stops on Chanyeol's defenseless sleeping face. The tall man's mouth is hanging open slightly and as if having felt Kyunsoo's eyes on him, he suddenly smacks his lips together and mumbles something incoherent. Kyungsoo snorts quietly and his shoulders shake up and down, unable to suppress of his giggles at the other’s funny action. Feeling movements beside him, Chanyeol wakes too and he rubs his eyes like a child, trying to rid of the sleep in his eyes. He squints against the bright afternoon light and looks up, just in time to see Kyungsoo's heart shape smile. 

'Ah,' Chanyeol thinks dreamily as a warm smile slowly blooms on his handsome face as well, 'I know his smile would be wonderful.' 

Composing himself, Kyungsoo looks down at Chanyeol and he is greeted by the tall man's loving eyes. His skin tingle from the giant's gentle touch and shyly tilting his head away, Kyungsoo tries to pull the linked fingers apart. Subconsciously, Chanyeol tightens his hold not wanting to let go just yet, and this makes Kyungsoo jolt and blush. Their eyes meet again, embarrassment shimmering in the shorter man's large watery eyes, and Chanyeol snaps to his senses. The smiling giant jumps up to his feet and he shouts out a string of words.

"I’msosorryIwasn’ttryingtosexuallyharassyoualthoughitmaylooklikeitbutIwasn’t!” Chanyeol screams frantically while his arms are waving in the air.

Kyungsoo frowns; Chanyeol was speaking way too fast for him to understand. Mistaking the meaning behind the other’s frown, the tall man groans and melodramatically crumbles to his knees. Leaning slightly too close, he grabs Kyungsoo's hand with both of his hands, and his eyes sparkle with sincerity. However when he sees the fazing glint in the young man’s wide eyes, Chanyeol quickly drops Kyungsoo's hand like hot coal and shuffles backward on his knees. The giant pulls on his hair in panic as he lets out another frustrated groan.

"ReallyIamsorryforfallingasleepbesideyouandappearlikesuchacreep!" The tall man screams again, still speaking too fast for Kyungsoo to understand, "I’m so sorry! Please don’t hate me!" 

Listening very carefully, Kyungsoo is finally able to catch the last two sentences. Amused and stunned by Chanyeol's overdramatic flair, laughter twinkles in Kyungsoo’s eyes as he regards the man kneeling in front with his eyes shut close and hands clasped together in a praying position. Slowly, his lips twitch upward and like a drop of mentos falling into a bottle of coke, Kyungsoo bursts out laughing. Euphoria overwhelms him and riding on the lightheaded sensation from his uncontrollable giggles, the shorter man falls back into the grass, his body shaking in glee. The young man’s eyes form into half crescents and his supple lips stretch into a pretty heart shape. Upon hearing laughs like silver bells chiming in the wind, Chanyeol carefully cracks an eye open and peeks at the red face Kyungsoo. A few seconds later, the smiling giant starts to giggle along. Soon, the two men are laughing heartily at each other.

The buzzing phone interrupts Kyungsoo and taking a quick breather, he suppresses another wave of sniggers. He picks up the phone and Jongdae’s voice sounds from the other end.

“Hello, Kyungsoo-shi” The older man says cheerfully and Kyungsoo replies politely. Jongdae arches an eyebrow at Baekhyun when he hears Chanyeol’s obnoxious chortle in the background. Catching the other’s roguish look, a playful glint lights up in Baekhyun’s eyes and he presses his ear by the phone, also listening in on the call. Jongdae holds back a chuckle at the curious puppy look on Baekhyun’s face.

“I’m calling to confirm the details for Kyungmin-shi’s funeral tomorrow afternoon.” Jongdae says calmly. Kyungsoo’s smile falters and he gets up from the ground. Walking out of the shade, he nods and answers curtly at what Jongdae is telling him. Chanyeol also stops laughing and watches Kyungsoo a few steps away. The younger man’s back looks exceptionally lonely and melancholic under the sun and Chanyeol wants to bring the smaller man into his arms. He wants to tell Kyungsoo that it is alright to be weak, to let grief take over and crumble to the ground; because he will be around to catch him when he falls.

“Yes, okay. Thank you very much. Yes, see you tomorrow.”

Kyungsoo hangs up and walks back, his face emotionless and eyes hollow. Chanyeol’s caring gaze follows the other’s every movement, until the younger man is sitting beside him again. For a while, no words are exchanged between them. Chanyeol runs a hand through his messy grey hair and he falls back into the grass. Watching as fluffs of cloud drift across the blue sky, the taller man starts talking.

“My grandfather passed away three years ago.” Chanyeol says and catches Kyungsoo’s attention. However he did not turn to look at Kyungsoo but continued to cloud watch. “He was the last of my immediate family. Baekhyun and Jongdae are my family too, but it’s different. Like you, I lost my parents when I was young. I don’t remember much of them to be honest, other than what their faces look like. But that is only because I used to stare at their photos a lot.”

Chanyeol chuckles lightly, nostalgia rather than bitterness in his tone. Kyungsoo leans back into the grass as well and tilting his head, he blinks at Chanyeol’s handsome profile.

“To me, gramps was everything and after he passed, I felt like a hole had opened up in my world. Baek and Jongdae tried to cheer me up, but it’s like every time I smiled, only my muscle would move but my heart was still crying. I missed him a lot and wallowing in my grief, I started to regret a lot of insensitive things I said to him as a teenager. I started to wish I had treated him better, spent more time with him and told him I loved him more. But obviously, it was all too late.”

Chanyeol pauses and inhales deeply. The clouds are still floating soundlessly by and Kyungsoo is still listening quietly. Blinking at the shadows and light dancing above him, the taller man continues softly.

“It took me an entire year to grieve and to come to term with his death. However, I did not just grieve in sadness because I knew gramps would hate that. He had always said that death is the end but also a beginning. The deceased would embark on a new journey to somewhere wonderful and bright, somewhere like Neverland from Peter Pan, and they’d be young and happy all the time. It is sad that they are gone, but they are also not really because our memories of them are still with us. He used to say, ‘the people you love become ghosts inside of you and like this you keep them alive’. I also truly believe in that.”

Turning to face Kyungsoo, Chaneyol smiles gently, like a warm sunny day.

“I am not sure where I am going with this anymore… but I guess I just want say that it’s okay not to be okay. Dealing with death is a difficult process, especially if it’s the death of a loved one. I don’t know what has happened between your brother and you, or what kind of relationship you guys had, but you’re very sad he passed away right? Running away from your feelings and pushing the memories of your brother away will only hurt you in the end. These feelings and memories will return and haunt you one day, Kyungsoo. Then you might find your entire life being overshadowed by them and I am so scared you won’t ever be truly happy. So if you want to cry right now, cry; if you want to scream right now, scream. Say what you want to say and even if he is no longer around to listen, I am. I am here with you.”

Kyungsoo’s bits into his bottom lip and something warm spreads in his chest. There is a tingle in his nose and it makes tear rush to his eyes. He looks away from Chanyeol but the other keeps his gaze on him.

“Don’t feel the need to suffer alone, Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol whispers and timidly reaches out for Kyungsoo’s hand. “Let me share your pain.”

Hidden away from the sun, the clouds and the rest of the world, a young man sheds his tears silently as he clenches tightly onto the warm hand wrapped firmly around his boney ones. They stayed until the horizon is painted purple and the stars begin to twinkle.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo whispers in a raspy voice as he hides swollen lids in the crook of his arms. Smiling at the other’s shyness, Chanyeol replies earnestly.

“You’re welcome.”

\---

The next day, many people Kyungsoo did not know have come and left. Some of them were crying, and some of them were silent and solemn. With every bow as each of Kyungmin’s friends and coworkers offered their condolences, Kyungsoo accepted a little more of the reality of his brother’s death. Everything seemed like a blur to the young man and throughout the ceremony, he could not help but to search for Chanyeol’s eyes. The warmth and comfort in the smiling giant’s firm gaze made Kyungsoo feel calmer and braver; whenever they matched gaze, the latter felt like he could breathe again. Even when it was his turn for eulogy, Kyungsoo spoke while looking straight at Chanyeol standing at the very back. It was as if the entire time he was underwater and the taller man was his oxygen mask, his life line. He didn’t think he’d depend on Chanyeol so much having just met the man, but it feels right.

Spotting the subtle interaction between Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, Jongdae simply lowered his head and bit into the inside of his cheeks, while Baekhyun kept exhaling and inhaling sharply; after all, it is rude to laugh at a funeral.

When the funeral finally ends and all the guests have left, Kyungsoo stands alone in the ceremony hall. Holding onto the edge of the casket, he peers down at the stiff body lying inside. Kyungmin looks so serene that he doesn’t even look like him to Kyungsoo. It has been so long since the young man last looked properly at his brother’s face; he is almost surprised at how old his brother seems to have gotten. Guilt and regret tugs at Kyungsoo’s heart as he spots fine lines around Kyungmin’s eyes and the odd strands of silver tucked discreetly into tresses of black. Three years have passed since they last saw each other face to face, and Kyungsoo never thought this is how they’d meet again.

Letting out a quivering sigh, the young man places a single stem of white chrysanthemum on his brother’s chest. He says a prayer and slowly, he pulls out a letter from the inner pocket of his suit jacket. Taking his time to flatten out the folds and creases, Kyungsoo stares hesitantly at the words he wrote on the pages. The door behind him opens and Chanyeol’s lanky form appears. Matching eyes briefly, Kyungsoo turns back to fidgeting the letter in his hand. The crisp sound of paper crinkling echoes in the empty room.

“Should I go?” Chanyeol asks quietly, unsure if he has the right to stay and witness such an intimate moment.

“No, stay,” Kyungsoo answers right away and there is a particular urgency in his voice. Sighing again, his voice quivers as he whispers, almost begging a little. “Please, stay.”

Chanyeol nods despite facing the other’s back and takes a seat in the nearest chair. When he hears no more movement from behind, Kyungsoo flattens the wrinkled papers in his hand again. Taking a deep breath, he begins to read.

> "Dear Kyungmin-hyung,
> 
> It’s me Kyungsoo. I hope you can still hear me, whenever you are. This letter came a little late, didn’t it? I should have written to you sooner, or at least have called you. I am sorry I have been so selfish for the past three years and pushed you so far away. No, it actually has been six years hasn’t it? Ever since the end of junior high.
> 
> When I was young, I didn’t understand why you were so mad at me and refused to accept who I am. I was really sad and I hated you for forcing your decisions on me. I think until perhaps yesterday, I still hated you for it. I also hated you because I thought that you had hated me too since you were having such a hard time accepting me. I was so afraid to see hate and disappointment in your eyes that I chose to stay away from you instead. But thinking back, I wish I had looked you in the eyes during those years. Because I know now that you had never hated me, but only worried for me, afraid that my rash decision as a child would have catastrophic effect on me as an adult.
> 
> Hyung, I wish we could have talked more.
> 
> I found your dairies last night and I read through everything. Every day for every entry, my name was in there somewhere. I read about your regrets, your worries and your loneliness; how you’d wish you had never hit me, of how you were waiting patiently for the day I’d figure things out, and how you were hoping that I’d return home soon. You wrote in your journal that ‘just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they have’. I wish I had read all of those words earlier and come to understand that even if you had a hard time accepting me, you still loved me. I wish I had listened to your voice mails rather than deleting them because you said those words in there as well, didn’t you?
> 
> I wish you were still here, hyung, so I could say these words to you.
> 
> I wish I could have been kinder to you, listened to you more, and spent more time with you. I wish I could have seen you smile one more time and hear you call my name one more time. I wish you could go to my convocation next year, see me fall in love again and grow old with me. I wish I could feel your hand ruffle through my hair again and tell me that I’ve done a good job; that I’ve matured and stopped running away from my problems, my fears, and from you, my one and only brother."

Tears blurred Kyungsoo’s vision and he wipes them away only to have more well up in his eyes. Choking on the muted sobs hitching in his throat, he leans against the casket and coughs. Chanyeol blinks back the tears threatening to fall and wordlessly, he sits by the entrance and listens. Kyungsoo calms down a little and wipes his eyes again. In the same soft voice, he sniffles as he continues to read.

> "But it’s too late to say all of that, isn’t it? There are many things I want to wish for, yet you are no longer here to make these wishes come true.
> 
> I am very sad, hyung, because you are gone forever. How I wish I know how to turn back time. But I cannot.
> 
> I am also no longer a child that believes in fantasy and lives in a bubble. So from today, even if you are no longer around, I will be strong. Not just to show you, but also to be strong for myself. You don’t have to worry about me whenever you are. I hope you’re in Neverland or anywhere free from pain and suffering. I hope you are happy because then I can be happy too.
> 
> Someone kind told me that the people we love become ghosts inside of us and like this we keep them alive. Even though I am really scared of spirits and ghosts, I will keep you in my heart and keep a part of you alive through all the memories we shared. The good, the bad; the memories of us laughing together and the memories of us crying, shouting or fighting. All of it, I won’t try to forget them anymore.
> 
> Lastly, thank you for everything, hyung, for raising me and for loving me. Thank you for being my brother.
> 
> I love you, hyung, forever. And I will remember you, always.
> 
> Sincerely your dongsaeng,
> 
> Kyungsoo"

As Kyungsoo utters his name, a body crashes into his back and a pair of arms wrap tightly around his quivering shoulders. Warmth spread from his back throughout his body and Kyungsoo holds desperately on to the protective arms around him. His body is shaking like a small sailboat caught in a storm and Chanyeol’s hug is like his refugee. Releasing all of his sorrow, regret and uneasiness, Kyungsoo cries out loud for the first time since his brother’s passing. Wailing like a child, he pours his heart out in tears; words could no longer express his grief and loss. Hearing the other’s cry, Chanyeol hugs the sobbing man closer and his gentle words are muffled in the other’s hair.

“You’ve done well, Kyungsoo,” the smiling giant keeps mumbling, his husky voice trembling like Kyungsoo’s heart.

They remain in the embrace until sobbing has reduced to hiccupping. Chanyeol loosens his grip and he turns Kyungsoo around to face him. Gently, he wipes away some wetness underneath the latter’s eyes with his thumb. Bringing the younger man into another hug, the smiling giant rubs soothing circles on the other’s back. Unusually docile, Kyungsoo lets himself being held and as he sniffles, he takes in whiffs of Chanyeol’s scent; peppermint, the younger man notices, just as refreshing as the man himself.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo mumbles into the said man’s shirt and Chanyeol hums in acknowledgement, “for the farewell party, can I ask you, Jongdae and Baekhyun to please prepare a small barbeque tonight for Kyungmin-hyung? I know it’s sudden but,”

The tall man’s deep chuckle interrupts Kyungsoo’s sentence. Looking up with red rimmed eyes, a small frown settles in between the younger man’s eye brows and his plump red lips form into a pout. Chanyeol’s laughter is cut short when he sees Kyungsoo’s adorable confused face. Pulling away quickly, he chuckles awkwardly instead and his eyes wander towards the ceiling. He scratches shyly at the back of his head.

“Of course!” He answers a little too loudly and starts to back away, “I’ll go tell Baek and Jongdae right now.”

In a flash, Chanyeol runs out of the ceremony hall and almost knocks down the eavesdropping Baekhyun and Jongdae when he swings open the door. Even more confused, Kyungsoo tries to say something but the three brothers have already disappeared down the hallway. Left alone with the casket, the younger man’s mouth awkwardly opens and closes like a fish out of water.

Ignoring his adopted brothers’ hushed calls from behind, Chanyeol escapes to his room and locks the door. Like a drum beat, his heart pounds loudly in his ears. He slams himself into bed and rolls back and forth until he finally falls off. Curled up on the carpeted ground, he huffs and puffs, trying to cool down his burning face by fanning himself. Kyungsoo’s face surfaces in his mind again and he lets out a frustrated shriek. ‘I can’t believe I almost kissed him!’ Chanyeol thinks in frenzy and wiggles around like a dying bug on the ground. Hurting himself on the corner of the bed, he shrieks again.

Downstairs, Baekhyun pauses from checking the fridge for food and turns to look at Jongdae with a raised eyes brow. The latter then turns to the kitchen entrance and sends the exact same look at Kyungsoo who just walked in. Startled by the mischievous look in the duo’s eyes, Kyungsoo cautiously and slowly backs out of the kitchen. He suddenly has a strange feeling of being a prey to two sly foxes. Another loud crash sounds from upstairs, diverting Baekhyun and Jongdae’s attention, and Kyungsoo makes his getaway. Having lost his teasing victim, Baekhyun clicks his tongue in annoyance and starts to whine. Jongdae tosses a towel on the other’s face and chuckles lightly.

“Don’t worry, we have all night.” He says and smiles slyly like the Cheshire Cat. Baekhyun removes the towel and a clever smile also appears on his pretty face. Upstairs, Chanyeol pauses from shrivelling in pain and shivers. What is this bad feeling?

\---

The last flint of the bon fires burns languidly in the rock pit. In the small flower garden behind the whitewashed western house, two people are snoring away by the fire while two other are huddled close under a large blanket. The soft moonlight casts a misty glow over Kyungsoo’s face and in a daze, Chanyeol blinks dreamily at the younger man’s captivating profile.

“… and since then I learned how to cook kimchi spaghetti from Kyungmin hyung.” Kyungso says softly, his eyes trained on the dying amber in front, “Next time, I’ll make some for you guys as a thank you gift.”

Kyungsoo turns to face Chanyeol and smiles faintly, causing the taller man’s heart to skip a beat.

“Okay, I’ll be waiting for it.” The smiling giant replies cheerfully and flashes his trademark toothy grin. The smile on Kyungsoo’s face widens a little before the younger man returns to staring at the fire. A comfortable silence settles and either man wants to break the peace. Across the rock pit, Baekhyun snores delicately like a puppy dog and he snuggles closer towards Jongdae for warmth; the latter smacks his lips and also unconsciously shifts closer to Baekhyun. Chanyeol chuckles at his adopted brothers and leans closer to Kyungsoo as well. Light pink blushes tint both Chaneyol and Kyungsoo’s cheeks as they become more conscious of each other’s presence under their shared blanket.

Reaching into his large hoodie pocket, Chanyeol pulls out a small stuff animal and he places it in the other’s lap. Holding it up to eye level where there are more light, Kyungsoo squints for a second before breaking out into a heart shape grin.

“Is this supposed to be you?” He asks and wiggles the small giraffe in the night air. Chanyeol nods and the colour on his cheeks darken.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo whispers and pulls the stuff animal close to his chest, as if giving it a gentle hug. The smiling giant nods wordlessly again and they fall back into silence. The subtle soundtrack of summer nights is playing in the small garden and nervous bodies are listening half-heartedly. Chanyeol gulps down his nervousness and breaks the quiet.

“K-Kyungsoo, I uh, I need to ask you something.” He stutters and sits up straight all of a sudden. Their shared blanket drops to the ground and affected by the other’s tenseness, Kyungsoo also straightens his back. A cooling breeze blows by and both stiff men become a little more awake.

“I uh, you… you…” Chanyeol stammers quietly but cannot bring himself to say that particular phrase. His mind is racing and the he suddenly wonders if this is a good time to confess. Kyungsoo’s brother just passed away after all and his funeral was only this afternoon. To put it more morbidly, Doh Kyungmin’s body isn’t even cold in the ground yet and he is already trying to make a move on Kyungsoo. A pang of guilt hits Chanyeol and the little bravery he was feeling shrinks in half. Why does he feel like as if he is taking advantage of the young man?

Curious and also anticipating what the taller man is about to say, Kyungsoo blinks keenly at Chanyeol.

Looking at the pair of dark eyes regarding him with so much innocence, another shot of fear hits Chanyeol and he completely loses his courage to confess. What if Kyungsoo doesn’t like him in that way, or what if he finds his confession to be disgusting? He becomes wary of their gender for the first time since they met and Chanyeol could not help but dwell on this fact. He is okay with loving another man and facing prejudice from society, but what about Kyungsoo? It dawns on Chanyeol that he knows very little of Kyungsoo. Uneasiness settles in his heart and Chanyeol begins to doubt unnecessarily at his feelings. Can someone fall in love in four days? What is love anyways and how does he know if he really loves Kyungsoo? Pointless worries and useless questions swirl around in Chanyeol’s head and they blind his instinct.

‘But does loving someone require a reason and a specific length of time?’ A voice sounds in his head suddenly and it sends the smiling giant into another wormhole of confusion. However, before Chanyeol could think it over, Kyungsoo gives him a gentle nudge. Turning to face the other’s youthful face, the taller man first becomes stunned then he lowers his head and smiles bitterly. The feeling of inferiority washes over him and irrational rationales takes over.

“Ah, I was about to say, we will always be good friends, right Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol whispers while staring into the fire and he completely misses the disappointment on Kyungsoo’s face. Lowering his head as well, the younger man answers with a similar bitter smile.

“Mmm, of course.”

If only they would look at each other’s face right at the moment. But they do not. Sometimes love is frustrating like this, making people think too much and become cowards.

The dying fire diminishes to almost just specks of amber and silence returns. However the previous comfort and harmony in the air has been replaced by bitter disappointment and muted self-pity. Chanyeol still cannot bring himself to face Kyungsoo, so he keeps his head ducked low. He is afraid to see the look on the other’s face and he is also afraid of showing his face; he knows that he wears his heart on his sleeve and he doesn’t want the shorter man to see the pain he is feeling. Kyungsoo on the other hand silently fiddles with the giraffe stuff animal in his hands and is thinking deeply. Moments later, the younger man speaks quietly into the night.

“I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon, Chanyeol.” 

The taller man snaps his head up and watches Kyungsoo in shock, his eyes searching for any trace of teasing or lie in the other’s dark eyes. The latter simply smiles without returning the other’s intense gaze and repeats himself.

“I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon, Chanyeol. Thank you for everything you’d done for me. Really, thank you, I am very grateful.”

Then with a gust of wind, the left over amber fades and the small garden is left in darkness.

\---

Chanyeol thought it was a dream, but the soft giraffe toy is no longer sitting slanted on his desk.

Getting up from his bed, dress in the same set of black work clothes and going down the same sets of stairs, he enters the kitchen only to be stared down by Baekhyun and Jongdae. Chanyeol ignores his adopted brothers’ piercing gaze and takes his seat. He bites into the toast and frowns; toasts have never tasted blander than this morning. Taking a few more bites, Chanyeol drops the rest on his plate and sighs.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jongdae asks as he takes a sip from his mug, his eyes glued on Chanyeol’s gloomy face. The gentle giant remains unmoved for a bit before he answers with a question of his own.

“Do you think gender matters in love?”

Baekhyun’s eyes dart between the two men sitting across from each other. He shifts a little in his seat from the growing tension in the room.

“No, why should gender matter,” Jongdae answers firmly, “If the person you fall in love with just happens to be the same gender as you, then that’s just how it is.”

“But what if society judges you? What if rather than giving the person I love happiness, I bring them misfortune and prejudice instead because they are loved by someone of the same gender?” Chanyeol retorts fiercely and he raises his volume a little. Jongdae lowers his mug and frowns at his brother.

“You’ve so little confidence in loving Kyungsoo and giving him happiness?”

“We are  _not_ talking about Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol snaps and he glares at Jongdae. Baekhyun gulps nervously when he sees an instigating smirk on the latter’s face. 

“You may not want to talk about Kyungsoo, but I do.” Jongdae picks up his mug again and blows on the hot liquid before he speaks again. “You’re afraid your feelings would burden Kyungsoo, but how can you be sure if you didn’t even try? You didn’t even give Kyungsoo a chance to consider you guys’ relationship; you just decided everything on your own.”

Chanyeol bites into his lower lip and stares intensely at the piece of half eaten toast on his plate. Ignoring the taller man glaring holes in his leftover, Jongdae continues mercilessly.

“I hate to say this Chanyeol but this is so typical of you. You mean well and always look out for other people, but by doing so you often accidentally ignore their will instead. You’re not a selfish person, but by thinking too much for others, you selfishly decide things. Have you ever thought about hearing what Kyungsoo has to say? Why would you be so sure he’d reject you? He’s told us he’s gay so you’ve already won half the battle, haven’t you?”

“What did you say?” Chanyeol slams his hands on the table and shoots up like a rocket. Baekhyun jumps in his seat and subconsciously learns towards Jongdae. There is fire in Chanyeol’s eyes and he stares disbelievingly at the man sitting calmly across from him.

“What, you didn’t know?” Jongdae questions in return with a frown and turns to look at Baekhyun cowering by his side. The latter shrugs and flashes a sheepish smile at Chanyeol.

“I thought I told you?”

“Well you didn’t!” Chanyeol shouts angrily and leans forward menacingly. Baekhyun half hides behind Jongdae and mumbles in a whining voice.

“Well, now you know, so whatever. I found out by accident too; didn’t think he’d admit it so coolly though… wait, that’s not the point.” Baekhyun pouts cutely at Chanyeol, “The point is it’s still not too late if you want to fix things. Kyungsoo doesn’t leave until the afternoon right? He’s probably still at Kyungmin-shi’s old apartment and we have the address, so just go find him.”

Chanyeol freezes at Baekhyun’s words and his mind debates whether if he should go find Kyungsoo. Seeing the gentle giant frozen like a statue, Jongdae sighs and holds back the urge to smack some sense into his best friend and brother.

“What is it now?” he asks impatiently and looks judgingly at the sour expression on Chanyeol’s face. Still standing, Chanyeol looks down at his plate and mumbles hesitantly.

“But like, I can’t explain why I like him. Shouldn’t there be a reason why I like him...?”

“Hah?” Jongdae snaps and stares angrily at the man he has known and lived with for almost two decades, “Are you an idiot, Park Chanyeol? Why are you stuck on something so insignificant?”

“Is it insignificant though?” The taller man challenges, even though he also knows that he is just being difficult. Baekhyun quickly places a hand on Jongdae’s rising arm, just in time to stop the agitated man from chucking a piece of toast at Chanyeol.

“Do you really need a reason to love someone? Isn’t love just love?” Baekhyun asks seriously, echoing Chanyeol’s thought from last night. Still struggling with the irrational rationales swirling around in his head, the gentle giant mumbles again.

“But I’ve only known him for three days… ow!”

This time around, Baekhyun did not bother stopping Jongdae. Irritated at Chanyeol’s brain for thinking about the most useless things, Jongdae chucks another piece of toast at the taller man. Frustrated at himself as well as being scared of an angry Jongdae, Chanyeol stumps away from the kitchen and runs into the small garden at the back of the parlour. Throwing himself onto the soft grass, he lies on his back and watches as clouds go by in the sky. Little by little, he thinks of every moment he spent with Kyungsoo and examines his heart. Somehow, the clouds even start to look more and more like Kyungsoo in Chanyeol’s eyes.

Back inside, Baekhyun places a blueberry muffin on Jongdae’s plate and flashes him a cute smile. Like how a wife would comfort her husband when their teenage son is going through rebellious puberty, Baekhyun changes the conversation and tries to distract Jongdae. Watching as the man with puppy eyes speak a little too eagerly about using makeup to reduce dead people’s bloating, Jongdae takes a bite of the muffin and hides a loving smile. It’s not like he was really angry, but he won’t tell Baekhyun that. He rather enjoys this special treatment.

Chanyeol didn’t return inside until lunch time. Having skipped all of his morning duties, Baekhyun shoves the broom stick in his hand. Looking around at the large ceremony hall, the scowl on Chanyeol’s face deepens but he does not complain in fear of Jongdae’s impending rage. Listlessly dragging the broom around the large hall, Chanyeol still cannot stop thinking about Kyungsoo. He can’t stop thinking about the other’s heart shape smile, the pair of wide eyes as dark as the midnight sky, and the violent shakes of Kyungsoo’s body when the young man sobbed heartbreakingly in his arms. It has only been less than a day and he already misses Kyungsoo’s scent, his back view, the unique pitch of his laugh, and mostly, the way he’d look at Chanyeol; the tall man dares not pinpoint the tender emotions reflected in the younger man’s black orbs, but he knows he wants to be regarded by those eyes always. The more Chanyeol thinks, the more he realizes what a big mistake he has made last night. To let Kyungsoo go, he would be letting happiness slip through his fingers.

Who cares if they are both men and who cares why he loves Kyungoo? Just the fact that he is lucky enough to find the young man in this big world and experience feelings he has never felt before because of Kyungsoo, isn’t that good enough? How many people in this world are able to meet someone who makes them feel larger than life? The voice inside Chanyeol tells him ‘not many, rarely any’. How many are fortunate enough to find and experience true love? The voice inside Chanyeol tells him again ‘not many, rarely any’. So why does it matter if they’ve met for three seconds, three minutes, three days, three months or three years? Like Baekhyun said, love is just love; with whom, how and why, all of it are irrelevant. The voice in Chanyeol’s head speaks again and the tall man abruptly stops sweeping. Tears begin to prick at the rim of his eyes and his mouth pressed into a thin line, Chanyeol stares dreadfully at his shoes. Baekhyun glances at the unusually quiet giant from nearby and he frowns a little upon seeing the painful expression on the other’s face

“Can you fall in love with someone in just three days?” Chanyeol mumbles to no one in particular. Jongdae looks up from cleaning and holds back the urge to chuck something at his brother again. He cannot believe the smiling giant still doubts his feelings for Kyungsoo. However, when he turns to face Chanyeol, Jongdae’s frustration dissipates in an instant and he sighs softly.

“Some people can even fall in love with one look, so what is three days?” Jongdae answers calmly and leans against his broom. A bitter smile slowly blooms on Chanyeol’s face and matching gaze with his adopted brother, his eyes are misty from tears of regret.

“I’m an idiot, Jongdae, and I am also a coward. I knew that too but… but…” The tall man sniffles and confesses pitifully, “I’m in love with Kyungsoo, Dae. I am in love with him, but I pushed him away. Now he’s leaving and who knows if I will ever see him again. What do I do?”

“You go after him, idiot!” Baekhyun shouts suddenly and stumps over, grabbing the broom in Chanyeol’s hand away roughly. He gives the taller man a big shove towards the door and adds: “There is only one flight flying to Toronto, Canada in the afternoon, so go find him.”

Shocked by his brother’s outburst, Chaneyol gawks at his brothers like a lost puppy and stays rooted in his spot. Seeing the giant’s dumbfounded expression, Baekhyun growls impatiently and gives the taller man another rough shove.

“Go, you idiot, run!” He shouts even louder and points at the door, “Go get Kyungsoo before he gets on that plane!”

Snapping out of his stupor, Chanyeol nods frantically and dashes away. Baekhyun claps his hands together and prays. Jongdae too prays silently in his heart as he watches Chanyeol disappear through the door. They pray sincerely that it is not too late for their best friend and brother to capture his happiness. True love comes once in a life time and they all know that Kyungsoo is worth Chanyeol fighting for.

Miles away, Kyungsoo is sitting alone on a bench in the airport waiting area. He looks down at the giraffe toy in his hand and smiles sadly.

“Thanks for everything, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo whispers to the stuffed animal and presses a gentle kiss on the soft fabric. The boarding call for his flight sounds over the intercom and Kyungsoo gets up from his seat. Taking one last look at the crowded airport filled with strangers, he walks through the security gate. Gradually, he disappears amidst the crowd.

A lonely giraffe toy sits slanted on an empty bench. Its black beady eyes watch as waves of people pass by in a blur. Occasionally, children would point at him and smile. But the little giraffe is waiting for someone. He doesn’t know how long he has sat by himself when a tall man with red rimmed eyes finally shows up in front of him. After staring blankly at the stuffed animal for a long while, the human picks him up. Observing the man carefully with his beady eyes, the little giraffe thinks he has seen the same expression somewhere else. Ah yes, it was on the other human’s face, the one who has left him here.

The stuffed giraffe is still sitting slanted on the empty bench, but he is no longer alone. Yet the feeling of loneliness lingers. Chanyeol dazes out at the plane that has just taken off into the clear sky. There isn’t a single wisp of cloud. The wind has swept them all away to the distant land of ice and snow, along with the gentle giant’s tattered, aching heart.

\---

Chanyeol has always believed his grandfather’s words, that there is no pain and no suffering in Neverland; there is only happiness and joy, it’s a place where people laugh and have no worries. Looking away from the shapeless clouds drifting to nowhere, he sighs dejectedly. If only it is also like that in the Neverland on earth.

As spring storms depart with clasps of thunders, summer arrives in the form of humidity and raw heat covers the entire city. Squinting at the glitters of golden sunshine peeking through the leaves, Chanyeol chews on the end of his pen. When he has thought of something, he flips over and jolts it down on the letter paper secured to a clipboard. Until he could think of nothing more, the pen in his hand pauses and he blinks at his own messy hand writings. Wordlessly, he folds the paper in three and seals it inside a white envelope. On the front, there is no stamp or mailing address. Simply, the words ‘To Kyungsoo’ is written neatly at the centre of the envelope.

It has already been a year since Chanyeol returned home with a stuffed giraffe toy rather than the love of his life.

Many things have changed in one year. For instance, the outside wall of the aged western two-stories was painted brighter and a new employee by the name of Oh Sehun is now working alongside the three brothers. Chanyeol didn’t understand at first why a young man would want to become a mortician, until he saw the way Sehun looked at Baekhyun; he wonders if that’s how he used to look around Kyungsoo. Jongdae has become even more protective of Baekhyun and sometimes, Chanyeol is afraid Sehun would lose an arm in his sleep. The taller man himself has also calmed down somewhat, but Baekhyun says that rather than attaining peace, it feels more as if the gentle giant has lost his happy spark. At his best friend’s sharp observation and blunt words, Chanyeol simply lowers his head as his lips stretch into a faint curve.

Many things are also the same after a year. The funeral parlour still offers their unique farewell party and the flowers in the small back garden still blooms when they are in season. There is always a blueberry muffin in Jongdae’s plate from Baekhyun in the morning, and Chanyeol and Baekhyun still recklessly play tag in the empty parlour after a day’s hard work. Chanyeol often takes his bike for a ride down at the Han River whenever there is no snow on the ground and lying on that same patch of grass, he’d watch clouds go by through the gaps of leaves waving in the breeze. Doh Kyungmin’s old apartment remains empty, much to Chanyeol’s surprise when he heard the news from Jongdae. ‘Apparently, the lease is not up for another two years,’ Jongdae has said one day during dinner and Baekhyun gave a hopeful look to Chanyeool. The taller man nodded and mentally told himself not to expect too much. Perhaps Kyungsoo will return one day, perhaps not. Either way, Chanyeol decided that he will wait patiently for Kyungsoo to come back again.

Parking his bike beneath a midrise apartment building, Chanyeol walks up three flights of stairs. Standing in front of Doh Kyungmin’s old apartment, he cleans the mail box of junk mail and organizes the stack of letters he has put in previously. Then taking the freshly sealed envelope from his backpack, he puts it together with his other letters. Since about half a year ago, Chanyeol started to write letters addressed to Kyungsoo every week after he has heard about the extended lease on the apartment. This is the only way he could think of that will continue the scarcely few ties he has with the younger man. He cares not if people may call him crazy, but Chanyeol hopes that one day Kyungsoo will read those letters. He has spilled his heart into each word and in between each line, there is also the regret he feels for not telling Kyungsoo of his love. Taking a last look at the almost full mailbox, Chanyeol walks down the flight of stairs and rides back home.

In the blink of an eye, summer also comes to pass as leaves turn from green to brown. Through the large window in his room, Chanyeol watches as colourful leaves drift in the cold breeze against the crisp fall sky and a slight frown graces his handsome face. He is feeling the autumn blue this afternoon and loneliness seems to be swallowing him whole. It is painful to be in love yet he could not help but love.

Walking down the stairs, he is about to call for his brothers and Sehun. But he stops himself when he remembers that it is Saturday and the three has gone to the amusement park. Rather, Sehun invited Baekhyun to go and Jongdae decided to tag along. Recalling the begrudging look on Sehun’s face when Jongdae shamelessly declared he’d go as well, Chanyeol feels his mood lighten a little. However the euphoria fades as fast as it came and the tall man finds himself feeling lonelier. Pacing to the ceremony hall, he turns the door handle and enters. He looks around at the empty room and sighs. Suddenly, his longing to see Kyungsoo again overwhelms him and Chanyeol lies down on the table where the casket is usually placed. Closing his eyes, he recalls how light would twinkle in Kyungsoo’s eyes when he smiled and how his lips quivered when he held back his tears. His heart aching painfully, Chanyeol places his warm palm over his chest. Immersed in memories, the taller man slowly drifts off to sleep.

When the sun begins to set by the horizon, burning the sky purple and red, the heavy oak doors to the funeral parlour opens slowly with a dull creak. A slender figure peeks around timidly then shuts the door behind him. Saying a few more words into the phone, the visitor bids goodbye to the person on the other side and hangs up. A stack of letters is inside the crooks of his arms. Without any hesitation, he marches upstairs and when he finds no one, he begins to search through the building. Finally, after having gone through all the rooms, he finds the person he is looking for.

Wordlessly, Kyungsoo stands at the entrance of the ceremony hall. He stares at the tall man lying flat on the table and a mix of emotions quietly flashes in his dark eyes. For a moment, panic filled Kyungsoo’s mind when he saw Chanyeol’s body lying where his brother lied a year ago. However, he calms a little when he spots the heaving of the other’s chest. Coming closer, Kyungsoo stands right above Chanyeol and he shields the sleeping man from the setting sun pouring through the large window. The small frown on Chanyeol’s face eases as he enjoys the coolness of the shade. He shifts slightly on the table and his hands still placed on top of his chest, Chanyeol mumbles for the person he could now only see in his dreams.

“Kyungsoo…”

The said man’s eyes widen and his hands tighten around the stack of letters addressed to him. Blinking away the mist blurring his vision, Kyungsoo throws all the envelopes into the air and as they fall to the ground and all over Chanyeol’s sleeping form, the encased letters fall out of the envelope openings. A few of the openings are neat, as if cut open by scissors, but most of them are jagged, as if torn open impatiently by hands. Startled by the papers cascading from above, Chanyeol jolts awake and sits upright with a shriek. He looks down at his lap in a fluster and when he sees his handwriting scribbled on all the pieces of paper, he panics even more and snaps his head up. Kyungsoo’s serious face greets him and Chanyeol’s mouth drops.

Gawking in disbelief, the tall man smacks his cheek hard and winces in pain. Kyungsoo frowns wordless at the gasping man in front and holds himself back from examining the other’s lightly bruised cheeks. Seeing the frown in between the younger man’s defined brows, Chanyeol reaches out without thinking. Like that night from more than a year ago, his thumb slowly irons out the knot. Kyungsoo casts his eyes downward and relishes the familiarity of the other’s touch. Chanyeol’s thumb glides slowly down the younger man’s nose, then over his lips and down to his chin. Leaning closer to the man he has longed to see, the gentle giant cups Kyungsoo’s face in his trembling hands.

“Is this a dream?” Chanyeol whispers softly, as if afraid if he speaks too loudly, he’d wake up. Kyungsoo looks at the tall man straight in the eyes and shakes his head lightly. The anger and frustration he felt earlier have completely dissipated.

Kyungsoo was angry not only at Chanyeol but also at himself. More than a year ago, they were both cowards and could not confess their feelings. They’ve wasted so much time being apart and suffering alone rather than being together and being happy. Wasn’t Chanyeol the one that told him not to suffer alone? Kyungsoo thought as he read over each letter. Sincere and loving words touched Kyungsoo in ways he has never felt before and he felt like he was about to laugh and cry at the same time. When he finished all the letters, the young man felt even more frustrated because he could not understand why Chanyeol was writing letters to him and leaving them in the mail box of his dead brother’s apartment. In the age of technology, shouldn’t the tall man hire a detective to track him down? That would be a more reliable course of action than leaving letters at somewhere he might return to one day, doesn’t it? However, Kyungsoo did return; he supposes this is what you call fate.  

Now having come face to face with the man who waited around for him like a loyal dog, Kyungsoo finds he is unable to get angry anymore. Rather, his heart is filled with gratitude and love, knowing that there will always be someone waiting for his return and that he won’t be alone anymore. Sighing softly, he leans into Chanyeol’s touch.

“No, it’s not a dream,” Kyungsoo whispers in reply, his tone as gentle as the misty drizzles in the spring. “I’ve read your letters, all of them.”

Chanyeol nods dumbfounded and stares unblinkingly at Kyungsoo. His thumb twitches a little and hesitantly, he caresses over the other’s smooth cheek. When the younger man did not pull away and when he is certain the person in front of him is real, tears quickly well up in Chanyeol’s eyes and overflow out of the rims. Surprised at the sudden waterworks, Kyungsoo clumsily wipes at Chanyeol’s face, but there doesn’t seem to be an end to the tears. The younger man sighs and continues to dab at the wetness on the giant’s face.

“What are you crying about, idiot.”

The crying man mumbles something incoherent and sniffles hard. Kyungsoo chuckles at Chanyeol’s silly face despite tears welling in his eyes as well.

“Stop crying, idiot,” Kyungsoo sniffles too, “You’ll make me cry, so stop it.”

Chanyeol nods but tears are still streaming down his cheeks. Scrunching his face together, he flashes a toothy grin at Kyungsoo and makes the younger man laugh lightly at the ridiculous face he is making. Laughing along with Kyungsoo, Chanyeol leans their forehead together.

“I love you, Kyungsoo.”

“Mm…”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t say it a year ago. I was a coward.”

“Mm… it’s not anyone’s fault so don’t say sorry anymore…”

“Then, I love you.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“Mm…”

“I love you.”

“… I love you too.” 

Kyungsoo’s cheeks are blushing bright red and feeling the heat coming off of the young boy’s face, Chanyeol’s grin widens even though his face is also as red as a tomato. Timidly, he leans down and presses their lips together.

Outside the ceremony hall, three pairs of curious eyes peek shamelessly at the kissing couple from the corner. Jongdae smirks in satisfaction as he tucks his cellphone into his pocket, the name Doh Kyungsoo displaying as the last call. Baekhyun restrains himself from squealing and persistently nudges Sehun in excitement. The tallest of the three with a pointy chin winces silently in pain and looks down indulgently at the man nudging him nonstop. Catching Sehun’s look, Jongdae glares at him and pulls Baekhyun closer. Glaring back, Sehun also tugs on Baekhyun’s arm. Before long, their limbs are entangled. As the man with puppy eyes falls to the ground, he lets out a yelp and all three of them end up on the ground, Jongdae and Sehun both underneath Baekhyun.

Interrupted from their kiss, Kyungsoo turns around and sends death glare at the three people smiling sheepishly at the entrance. Chanyeol on the other hand is grinning like the happiest person on earth. Enveloping Kyungsoo into a warm back hug, he kisses the shorter man on the crown of his hair. Kyungsoo blushes and leans into the hug. Titling his head backwards and gazing into Chanyeol’s mirthful eyes, a heart shape smile blooms on his face.

_“Chanyeol, do you know where is Neverland?”_

He recalls suddenly of his grandfather question from a long time ago. Looking around at the people surrounding him, his friends, family and love, and all of their happy faces, Chanyeol smiles and his heart flutters in contentment.

“Neverland is here,” he whispers and presses another kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips, “right here.”

 

**FIN.**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed the prompt I was given and this story has a special place in my heart. I've been dealing with death a lot for the past year and like I expressed in this fic, grieving is a difficult process. However, when I realized that I am not alone and that there is still love around me, it made me feel better.  
> I hope you enjoyed the story :)


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